When last I wrote, I was just smitten with Mr. Could-It-Be. I was smiling from ear to ear and could not wait to see him again. I was finally moving on from Mr. Never-Gonna-Happen as I got to know Mr. Could-It-Be over the phone and via GChat. I had not spoken with Mr. Never-Gonna-Happen in over a week…the longest we had ever been out of contact since we first met. And then, as if by magic, he messaged me over Gchat. He has always had a knack for this; every time I decided that things were totally fucking over with him, he would text me or call me or email me or whatever me and tell me he missed me. He has this disgusting sixth sense for detecting when I am about to move on from him and then he just reeeeeeeeeels me back in. To make matters worse, I signed up for a Tripalert to let me know when flights to go see him dropped below $600; I never thought they actually would. Guess what? Apparently the prices dropped this morning. Fuck my life. Can I resist going to see him? Am I strong enough to do it? Or will I give in and put myself through a world of pain again. I have been watching the last season of Sex and the City and my situation is eerily similar to the one with Big and Carrie. I need to stop thinking like that though...because they end up together in the end. I know it’s never gonna happen with Mr. Never-Gonna-Happen. I just wish that hope was not so persuasive…
Back to Mr. Could-It-Be. I showed up at his place last evening. He took me miniature golfing because he remembered I had mentioned in passing the week before that I love putt putt. We had a great time together, then grabbed a bite at an Italian restaurant. We followed that with smoothies and before long found ourselves on his couch. We watched hours of television as I waited for Mr. Could-It-Be to make a move. I haven’t made out on a couch in ages…I felt as though it had to happen. Eventually, it did. It was fun.
However…there was a distinct lack of fireworks. The kissing was good, but I typically have to stop myself from going further and last night, I did not have to hold back. I am so frustrated with myself. This man really likes me and he is genuine and successful and cute and we get along famously. But I am not that attracted to him. I haven’t been truly attracted to anyone since Mr. Never-Gonna-Happen. What the fuck is wrong with me? Is it just that I’m not meeting the right guys? Or is it that I am just not over Mr. Never-Gonna-Happen? Perhaps a combination of both (plus some other deep-seated issues I am certain I would need a therapist to work out for me).
So now this guy thinks I really am into him because I thought I was. I have plans with him on Friday again. In the meantime, I have another date tomorrow. I’m feeling a little disheartened.
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