Mr. Looks-Better-Online is a 26-year-old soon-to-be lawyer who described himself as someone who worked out regularly and could pull off that whole “tall, dark, and handsome thing.” As the escalator climbed closer toward him, I first noticed his posture – he was slightly hunched over…not the mark of a man who regularly visits the gym. Next, I noticed the receding hairline. Then, the nerdy attire (nothing that particularly stood out, but clothes that were just blah). Next, as I looked in his eyes, I noticed that his gaze was slightly off…eg. he had a mildly lazy eye. He was nervous, to boot. We went to a nondescript bar in Eastern Market. The food was ok. The conversation was ok. I guess to sum up the date, I would say “ok.”
The only interesting part of the night was when the cute bartender overheard me saying I was from Buffalo. He, as it turns out, is from a nearby town. The bartender and I hit it off and Mr. Looks-Better-Online made some snide remark like. “Boy, you make friends wherever you go, don’t you?” I replied with a smile, “Yeah, I guess I really do!” That’s what you get for lying about what you look like, asshole!
So he decided to make the date even more awkward. We were talking about teeth at one point and he remarked that I had nice teeth, that even my bottom teeth were nice, at which point he reached over and pulled my lower lip down to take a more detailed look. I pushed his hand away obviously. After all that, Mr. Looks-Better-Online decided that I would be receptive to a kiss. He tried not once, but twice to kiss me and got the cheek and a raised eyebrows both times. Needless to say, I will not be going out with him again. Next.
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